{Choosing your Wedding Party} Your Tribe, Your Posse, Your Warriors & Gladiators
/Hi Friends! If you have found your way here on our blog today, you may be facing the challenge of choosing who should be standing up with you at the altar on your big day.
If this is you, worry not because I have some great news...
You can choose or not choose anyone you want!
The only rule is to select people that make you feel happy, cared for and supported.
The biggest mistake I’ve seen clients make over the years is including people in their wedding party out of obligation or for other reasons than that person being truly a part of their soul tribe.
Let me say this again… Having members of your wedding party that don’t truly support the couple is the biggest mistake I’ve seen clients make in reference to their wedding! Surprised? That’s kind of a big deal, right?!
Well, The history on this one runs deep. Let’s take a moment to look at the roles your wedding party plays and trace them back to the origins so that we can better understand why we have wedding parties to begin with.
In times long ago, Maids & Men dressed exactly like the Bride & Groom which served to confuse any would be kidnappers or killers and evil spirits. Groomsmen were more like soldiers or special service and Bridesmaids were more like actual maids or servants. At one point the Best Man stood on the Bride’s side as a protector and the Matron of Honor was a person of high moral standard and obedience and also in charge of the dowry purse.
Today your wedding party will not be saving you from would be assassins or washing your feet, but they will be with you the entire day on one of the most important days in your life. Who are the absolute best people in your life that will provide positive energy, love and support while setting aside anything that may come up for them personally? The ones that should be chosen are the people (or person) who care about you beyond measure and will do anything in the world for you and your happiness.
So now that you know you can chose anyone, here are a few more guidelines for rules that you do not have to follow!
You no longer have to choose people of a certain gender.
Don’t feel obligated to choose your family or your fiancé’s family.
If someone chose you to be in their wedding, it does not mean that you have to choose them to be in yours.
There is no need to have to have an equal number of attendants on both sides. Your wedding planner can easily help work out the spacing and logistics for aesthetics of a mixed or uneven party at the aisle. That’s not for you to worry about!
How do those statements make you feel? Liberated? Nervous? How does it feel for you to know that you will spend the day being pampered and supported by the absolute best people in your life and nary a spark of drama to be found?! If not asking someone is causing any issues, it is only proves the point that you were right not to include them in the first place. This wedding is about you and your fiancé getting married, That’s it! There may be a fabulous party, with tasty food & beverages and an abundance of fun & dancing, but in the end this day belongs to the two of you. If there’s someone that you should honor in some way, but they tend to be a touch toxic (you know who I mean!) then let’s find another way to honor them. Let’s not lock them up in close quarters with someone they are secretly jealous of for the entire day while feeding their insecurities with mimosas!
On the flip side of that, if you have 12 best buds and every single one of them will bring joy and meaning to your day then great. Look forward to meeting them!
But what happens if narrowing the field seems like it will turn into the Hunger Games to determine who will be Maid of Honor? In this case, let’s take a step back and reevaluate whether or not you actually need anyone at all standing at the altar with you. At the end of the day, all I’m concerned with is you, your fiancé and the person making it legal.
Other people you might want to exclude are people that don’t play nice with others, have impulse control issues or are very controlling.
What happens if you didn’t heed our warning or if found this post too late? Well if Debbie Downer is in 3rd position, make sure to let your planners know! Our job is not only to execute the wedding details but we also serve as a shield (physically and metaphorically) between you and anything that may stress you or make you sad.
I truly care about my couples and not much upsets me more than watching the people around them who are supposed to be helping make the day awesome do the opposite. It could be because maybe they are not necessarily a nice person or they are carrying around unresolved issues but whatever it might be, we are here to help.
We know there was a lot of information here and lots to think but hopefully you understand a little more about who you SHOULD pick!
As always thanks for joining me.
Love & Hugs,
~Beth